Haru's on First
by CardCaptor Schlueter
Summary: Haruhi and Kyon have a conversation about odd nicknames for baseball players. Based on "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello.


_** Haru's on First**_

_ A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fanfic by CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)_

_ The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru. For now. I plan to steal Haruhi when no one is looking. ._

_ "Who's on First?" is the property of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. If you haven't heard the routine before, look it up._

***

Haruhi was surprised to find Kyon alone in the clubroom at lunch. He was reading a magazine and didn't seem to notice her at first. Haruhi raised an eyebrow at what he was reading. It was a sports magazine.

"When did you gain an interest in sports?" she asked.

Kyon looked up, slightly startled by her presence. "I haven't, but there was a story in here about baseball and I figured it might be helpful if you ever get the insane notion for us to play in a tournament again."

Haruhi scowled, placing her hands on her hips. "That was not an insane notion," she said sharply. "I was expanding the club's horizons."

Kyon shrugged. "Anyway, I was reading about this team where all the players have very weird nicknames."

"What kind of nicknames?" Haruhi was suddenly intrigued. A weird baseball team could be interesting.

"Well, there's the basemen for starters," said Kyon. "Who is on first, What is on second, I don't know is on third..."

"Wait... Who is on first?" asked Haruhi.

"Yes," Kyon replied.

"No, no. I mean what is the name of the guy playing first."

"No, What is playing second."

"I'm not asking who's playing second," Haruhi was getting mildly peeved.

"Who is playing first,"

"I don't know!" growled Haruhi.

"He's playing third," said Kyon.

"I never asked who was playing third"

"Who is on first."

"That's what I want to know!" Haruhi took a deep breath. "Look... What is the first baseman's name?"

"What is the second baseman's name," Kyon corrected.

"I don't know!"

"He's on third."

"I never asked who was playing third!"

"Who is on first."

"I don't know!"

"He's on third."

"I didn't ask who's on third!"

"Who is on first!"

"That's what I'm asking about!" Haruhi stopped to rub her temples. "Okay, the left fielder's name."

"Why."

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well, I just thought I'd tell you."

"So then, who's in left field?"

"Who is on first!"

"Stay out of the infield!' Haruhi shouted. "Then tell me who's playing left field."

"Who's on first."

"I don't know!" As Kyon opened his mouth to reply, Haruhi waved her hand dismissively and sighed. " I know, I know... Third base. Just tell me the left fielder's name."

"Why."

Haruhi steamed for a moment. "BECAUSE!"

"Oh, he's centre field," Kyon said casually.

Haruhi took another deep breath. "Does this team have a pitcher?"

"Of course," Kyon replied.

"The pitcher's name?"

"Tomorrow."

"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you right now."

"Well who did you say was pitching?"

"Who is not pitching! Who--"

Haruhi grabbed hold of Kyon's tie and yanked his face to within an inch of hers. "I'LL BREAK YOUR ARM IF YOU SAY WHO'S ON FIRST!"

Haruhi let go and took a moment to regain her composure. "All right, now what's the pitcher's name?"

"What is the second baseman's name," Kyon corrected again.

"I didn't ask who's on second."

"Who is on first!"

"I don't know... Third base!" Haruhi said cutting off Kyon's response.

Haruhi glared daggers at Kyon. "The catcher's name."

"Today,"

"Today... and Tomorrow is pitching."

"Now you've got it!" said Kyon.

"All I know is that there are a couple of days on the team..." Haruhi grumbled. "Okay, let's say Tomorrow is pitching. A heavy hitter gets up and bunts the ball. So the catcher takes the ball and throws it to first, so who's got it?"

"Now you've got it!" said Kyon.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Haruhi shouted. "The ball gets thrown to first, so someone has to catch it. So who's got it?"

"Naturally."

Haruhi paused "Look, if he throws the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?"

"Naturally."

"Who?"

"Naturally."

"Naturally?"

"Naturally."

"So the catcher picks up the ball and throws it to Naturally."

"No, no, he throws the ball to Who."

"Naturally."

"Right."

"He throws the ball to Naturally."

"He throws it to Who!"

"Naturally."

"That's it." said Kyon.

Haruhi was close to pulling her hair out. "Okay, he throws the ball to first base. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a damn!"

"What?" asked Kyon.

"I said I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" Haruhi screamed.

"Oh, that's the shortstop," said Kyon. A second later, Haruhi had her hands around his throat and they both crashed to the floor.

**

THE END

**


End file.
